So...

I have so far taken out 44 marbles, 4.4kg so 77.7kg which was 3.10.11

Feb 2012

Ok so at the beginning of each month I will post a picture of my marbles so you can all share my progress.  For each 100g I take one out.  Last week I lost none, but did not have to put any back on, man it hurts to put them back in.  I am not 100% sure of when I started doing it, I would have to count them, it was once I was over half way and I could start to see the finish line.  The wee crystal vase on the right is what I put them into.  Will have to find a bigger one soon!!   

I have this picture on my phone as well so that I see it every time I am on my phone  and of course it is on the windowsill in the kitchen so it reminds me all the time to stay on track, focus and believe!!!

2012, I am going to live my dream

It has been a long long time since I posted, but I find if I update you all regularly I seem to do really well when I make myself accountable to you, so in advance thank you for your support and for reading my blog.

Well 2012 is going to be the year I am going to get to do it and live my dream.  I am going to get to goal in 2012.

My current stats, I am 73.3kg, 13.3kg off the top of my range (so far lost 23.3kg) .  I have been exercising (on and off) and trying my very best with nutrition to make it happen.  I am now looking at what I can change around and brush up on to make this dream a reality. 

Chad is the most supporting and loving husband ever, he makes it happen for me.  He said to me tonight, you go jump on the bike, I will put the girls to bed and then we will have tea.  If it was not for him being supportive it would be so hard!  How lucky am I?

The last few months have evolved and as part of a working team who are all of like minded people I have surrounded myself with more friends who are batting for me to win this!  I am so going to do it.  I am also enjoying being there for the them, not only in weight loss but also friendships.  Wow I am so lucky that my fatness has brought all these loving people into my life!  I have the best mentor and friend possible who would walk over coals to make me get to my goal.  To know she believes in me 200% even when sometimes I don't,  means more to me than she will ever ever know!  SHE GETS IT, she has walked the talk, so how lucky am I?    I have a couple (actually a few)  text and walk buddies who are also there when I want to scream, shout or cry, even if it is not weight related but do you know what, the best thing is they are there for me, and I sure hope they know I am there for them.

So looking forward.... I plan to do the following....

TRACK, TRACK AND TRACK AND TRACK SOME MORE, it has to happen every day!  Even if I don't like what I see, I track.

and

1.  Update you all weekly on my progress, how I am going (thru the good, the bad and the shit!)  If I don't remind me and hound me till I do.

2.  Get in here and babble when I need to.

3.  Plan my meals, to make life so much easier, especially when the unexpected can happen.

4.  Weigh I food when i am at home and can.  I have the ww scales and I would never be without them.  If we go on holiday and I know I am cooking, they go with me.  If I only put 70% in I am only going to get 70% out - I so believe this.

5.  Drink at least 2x 750ml pump water bottles a day

6.  Exercise at least 3 times a week, at this stage that is achieveable.

7.  Aim to loose 200g a week.  I have been struggling to do that lately, I don't think it is directly any fault of my own apart from not getting off my arse and exercising, and now that I have less to loose, I am going to have to suck it up and get on with it.  I have brought a concession card to Aquacise and tonight got on the exercise bike for 40mins and guess what... it did not kill me but man I have a sore bum!

8.  Believe I can do this and have a healthy outlook on my weight loss, my journey and that I am going to get there.  My Crohn's disease is so much better when I am eating normal food but on the ww scale of propoints and not having the shit we would of had if I was not.

I am in a really fortunate position working as I do for ww, and I love that I can share my journey with you all.  Don't be afraid to ask me how I went for the week or any questions about my journey.  I am more than happy to disclose.

Recently I did my measurements to compare from when I first started (96.6kg) and I have lost 67.5cm's off my body.  Wow how bloody awesome is that! (20.5cm off my tummy and 4.5cm off my chicken wing upper arms!).  Do it now if you have not, it is so worth the satisfaction you get!  Happy to share my clown pants with anyone who has not seen them!

So the one other thing I am doing for me this year is loosing my marbles.  Yes you read it right.  I have a glass vase on my windowsill that each blue marble represents a 100g, so every time I loose 100g, I take one out.  It is one of two visual aids I use.  Every time I go into the kitchen I see the vase and it just gives me a wee reminder that I am worthy of this journey.  I also got given two wooden words for xmas from a very special secret santa, "Believe" and "Inspire" they are on a pelmet in our bedroom, so they are the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.  How can I fail, when I am setting myself up to succeed.  I believe I can do it and I so hope my dream of inspiring somebody will come true, hopefully a lot of people!

I have dribbled on enough tonight, hope you enjoy reading this and my progress, journey down my yellow brick road, loosing my marbles.

Kirsten xo

Wow it has been ages....

Well I have not done a update in just ages, could hardly believe it was June!  I had been going great guns, loosing progressively each week.  My total loss was 20.7kg

I then got a tummy bug which lasted 3 weeks which helped one week with a loss of 1.5kg and also I had no appetite.  Well it came back ten fold and I seem to be in a state of not being able to help myself at all.  We have been away for a 8 day break as well but I now have a total loss of 17.4kg, still under 80kg but only just.  What the hell am I doing!

WHERE HAS MY MOJO GONE!  Well that is how I feel.  

I am still getting compliments but I am sure not good at taking them at the moment as I feel like a fraud.  I am just about eating everything in site!  What is going wrong with me?  I spoke to two groups in the last week about my journey when I was South to Dunedin and Invercargill, but felt dishonest not telling them that I am currently off the rails and cannot get a grip on my journey.  What a hypocrite!

I know I need to get back to tracking and weighing, making myself accountable.  Plan my meals and get my water bottle out...    I start the day out good then I have a biscuit and realise what I have done.  All down hill from there.  I even took myself shopping and brought new clothes to make me feel better, but nope that did not work either, the compliments just made me feel like shit more, as I feel super fat in them as they are fitting.

Prior to this all happening I was a all or nothing girl, I found it easier to have none, was not even tempted now I have let go, I seem to be a all girl!  How can I make this easier for myself?

I have also not weighed in for 3 weeks at my normal meetings because of weather, snow and being away, and find I need to be accountable to a certain person each week and the scales (I have been weighing in elsewhere.  I do find this scarey as what happens when I don't have to each week, but hopefully I will be strong enough in my own mental state to cope, don't need to think about that yet, need to get over this current hurdle.

Well that is where I am currently, struggling, so have found it easier to just keep off threads and stuff as I feel like I am so negative about it all.   I keep telling myself I am only human, but how long can I use that excuse?

I know I am worthy of this journey, I just need to get back on it!  

XO

500g gone in a fortnight....

well I have not posted for a week, so time to update you all.  Could not do it after Tuesday night as was a bit peeved to say the least.  500g down in a fortnight.  What did I learn from this? 

1. Yes I am only human and get pissed when I don't loose more too!
2. That eating my full 49 weeklies does nothing for me when I don't exercise, as in I don't get a big enough result, as I am in too much of a hurry!!!
3. That I needed to pull my head in (hence why i did not blog when I was pissed about it)  I am only human and need to be more flexible with myself which is what the program is designed to be with the 49 available each week.  I need to remind myself that when I need to sustain my weight when at goal, I need to be able to let myself be flexible.
4. And when I don't drink my water it shows big time!!!

So, Yesterday to top it all off I had a bit of a shit day, well not a shit day in the way my day went but this is it...

Got up and was on a mission and what I was up to changed, yeah a day to do jobs I needed to catch up on.  Dropped girls at preschool and did jobs up st and then did groceries, and by time I got home for lunch was 2pm and I was starving.  Whoops -  I was too hungry and could not get satisfied. so I ate more than I needed to and wasted points!!!!  So by the time I left to pick up kids from preschool I only had 1pp to eat for tea!!  What a knob, and it was all because I ate too late and got starving!!!  So for lunch I had a ww meal because I wanted something instant and put my groceries away while it cooked.  I ate it while reading and had eaten it before I realised and then was still hungry so I had a muffin split and mushroom soup no pp as well.  So spent 12pp for lunch and by this time had had 2 coffees as well. 

We then went out after school for coffee with friends so had another coffee and half a apple and cinnamon bun, shared with a friend, as I really wanted it.  So all in all I used 17 extra pp yesterday.  What a waste and lesson learnt.   I also decided I needed to eat them while I was hungry as I find if I back pedal and am hungry all the time, that just does my head in and plays stupid games.  So lesson learnt...

So today I need to get off my bum and make my lunch frittata and be back in control.  Back to normal as yesterday is history!    

We have a pot luck dinner to go to Sunday, so because I am the Kitchen bitch for this at the fire station, I will plate up my own meal and just take it and eat it, no one will notice as they will all be so involved in what they eating they have no idea!   Sometimes we think other people care too much when really as long as they are fed they don't.  I made a great mac cheese off the ww website this week, so might make that for my family dish, cherios for the kids and my own plate for me.  So mac cheese and might do a pot of veg, yummy.   The other food will be very fat laden, as they are all big stoggy food eaters.

Well have a great weekend, don't let the hunger bug bite you, he got me yesterday but not again in a hurry, serves me right for not packing a banana in my handbag like I normally do!!!

xo

Shakily Shakily

Well what a week.  We had been away for the weekend to inlaws and I had cooked out of the kindness of my heart to be selfish so I could control my own food destiny only to discover my father in laws new partner hates cooking and I love cooking!  Great exchange can be had there in the future.

No meeting on Tuesday night apart from a virtual one, so I weighed in Weds lunch time at a different venue and different scales due to bloody stupid mother nature who needs to take her happy pills!!!!!!!

My darling friend did offer to weigh me on the side of the road by a concrete elephant at a park, but no, I chose not to. LOL

I stayed the same this week but I am ok with that.  Lots to take into account,

1. different scales
2. different time and day
3. been away for the weekend
4. earthquake, but then again I had a banana instead of chocolate!

So I am not buying into it this time, normally with a gain or staying the same it would worry me, derail me, piss me off, but no not this time!

I have done my best, stuck to the program, eaten within my guidelines, not been excellent on water, but ok, not exercised only incidental but then again I am only human.

And mother nature, you my not so friendly one, you are pissing on so many people and ruining there lives.  But you are not going to stuff up my weight loss journey for me!!!  I am in control of that, even though you can rock our earth you are not determining my weight loss destiny, do you understand?

So till next week.....

I did it!!

Well I made it, I am back in the 70's!!  Whoop Whoop, has taken a year to be out of it and back in, last time I was in the 70's was June last year, so back again and it feels great!! 

Next mini goal is 77.9kg as that is the lightest I have been apart from the way up there!!  So goodbye 4.8kg in 5 weeks~!~

Some new discoveries MY style with a little help from my ww Angel!  These are my views and opinions, expressions only, not endorsed by anyone or anything else!!  If your easily offended, don't read on!

A few weeks ago, you will be able to work out when, things started happening.  Dad had died and time to concentrate on me!  Sounds awful, but he was taking up alot of my head space, running away and having him in care was hard, but we got there, he is in a much better place now!  RIP Dad, love you!!

So...  I had a few tearful moments recently with my Angel when she said to me at a very momentus moment!   One at night and one in a mall carpark!  'Why do you think you are not worth of this journey'.  Well hell that was a wake up call.  I had never thought about it like that.  But it hit one nail on the head.  I really had no idea why I did not think I was worth it?  Am I or am I not?  Why did I abuse my body and just shove more food in.  And why? (Drink is not a issue for me with my Crohns Disease as I don't drink or I pay for it).

Well I am bloody worthy of this, I decided and it was a ground breaking moment.  Those words really hit on something from within.  From then on in I have had  fantastic results, stuck to program and weigh my food, point everything and also I TRACK MY FOOD.  It is a hassle but you know what?  It makes me accountable for every thing that goes in my gob hole! 

No matter how big or small, I track it!  If I cheat, who am I cheating, not my Angel, not my lovely members but ME!!!  Who do I have to be accountable to, the scales when I get on, as they tell me what I need to know, I never weigh at home, only a once a week girl here, and of course I am accountable only to ME!  If I gain, who can I blame, ME!!  You know what, it will happen, when I track and keep within my points and not eat more than my 49 extras, (I don't eat my exercise bonus points), I don't eat out of it, I don't need to, that is heaps of food for me!   So when I do gain and if I have done the best I possibly can, as if I cheated I was only cheating myself it will be my body adjusting to the new fabulous me, it will happen, I know!

I don't do additional exercise, my life has been busy but I make sure I do heaps of incidental exercise, I run after two wee darling girls, who I want to see grow up, who are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2, work other places, and volunteer in a few organisations including running after a volunteer fire crew as Secretary/Treasurer and wife of Deputy Cheif, of 19 men and ladies!

So everyday ladies and gents, every day I say to myself when I am faced with a demon food like savoury muffins, or a treat.  I know what that tastes like, do I really need to taste it again?  It won't of changed from last time, for example a belgium biscuit, nope no change reported so no I won't have it.  This is how I cope with those moments during the day.

AND every bloody day I say to myself over and over and over again, I AM WORTHY OF THIS!!!  Do you know how powerful those words are?  They are amazingly powerful, they keep me inspired, I am not on this journey for fun, or a joke.  But because I need the help, guidance and support from my wonderful Angel and friends.  And I need to get fitter, healthy and I deserve it!!  It is not a easy thing to do to loose weight, if it was, we would not all be members, not get to meet each other, enjoy the company of each other and of course makes some lovely friendships.

I have given up making excuses and not making time for me!  I am worthy of that time and it is selfish to me, but stuff everything else it can wait, as I need to do this for me.  So when you hear about me planning my meals, I am worthy of the time, so why would I not.  If it is what makes it work for me, I have to do it, or I am only ripping myself off and making excuses when there are NO EXCUSES!!

To my darling Angel, I know you have done your major journey but you are still on your mission for the rest of your life, just as I will be when I hit my goal!  It is not easy to maintain and I think you do a fantastic job.  You are my star, you shine for me when I need you most, you tell me what I need to hear, even if I don't want to hear it!!  (now I have tears again).  You so lit something inside me that no one else has ever ever done!  You are a huge inspiration to me after loosing all your weight, I love spending time with you and listening to what you have to say.  I don't think you realise just how much we soak up what you say!  You just sparkle when you talk to us and send us on our merry way!!  You are "O" or Orsome!  You are my shining star!!!!

To you other fellow ww'ers on your journey, ARE YOU WORTHY?  Ask yourself as I know the answer will come from inside.  No one said it would be easy!!  So remember if you need a wee boost my style think about these six words.  I AM WORTHY AND NO EXCUSES!!!

Please leave me a comment, I love to hear your thoughts, this is a closed blog, you can't google to find it, your words are precious to me, and if this just makes you think twice about you and your journey or even my journey that will make me smile!  And if you think this is a load of shit, go tell someone who cares, because this is from my heart and how I feel!

Have a fantastic week, I know I will and I will come back soon and update you!!

Love ME xo