Wow it has been ages....

Well I have not done a update in just ages, could hardly believe it was June!  I had been going great guns, loosing progressively each week.  My total loss was 20.7kg

I then got a tummy bug which lasted 3 weeks which helped one week with a loss of 1.5kg and also I had no appetite.  Well it came back ten fold and I seem to be in a state of not being able to help myself at all.  We have been away for a 8 day break as well but I now have a total loss of 17.4kg, still under 80kg but only just.  What the hell am I doing!

WHERE HAS MY MOJO GONE!  Well that is how I feel.  

I am still getting compliments but I am sure not good at taking them at the moment as I feel like a fraud.  I am just about eating everything in site!  What is going wrong with me?  I spoke to two groups in the last week about my journey when I was South to Dunedin and Invercargill, but felt dishonest not telling them that I am currently off the rails and cannot get a grip on my journey.  What a hypocrite!

I know I need to get back to tracking and weighing, making myself accountable.  Plan my meals and get my water bottle out...    I start the day out good then I have a biscuit and realise what I have done.  All down hill from there.  I even took myself shopping and brought new clothes to make me feel better, but nope that did not work either, the compliments just made me feel like shit more, as I feel super fat in them as they are fitting.

Prior to this all happening I was a all or nothing girl, I found it easier to have none, was not even tempted now I have let go, I seem to be a all girl!  How can I make this easier for myself?

I have also not weighed in for 3 weeks at my normal meetings because of weather, snow and being away, and find I need to be accountable to a certain person each week and the scales (I have been weighing in elsewhere.  I do find this scarey as what happens when I don't have to each week, but hopefully I will be strong enough in my own mental state to cope, don't need to think about that yet, need to get over this current hurdle.

Well that is where I am currently, struggling, so have found it easier to just keep off threads and stuff as I feel like I am so negative about it all.   I keep telling myself I am only human, but how long can I use that excuse?

I know I am worthy of this journey, I just need to get back on it!  

XO